Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
