ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
