and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Randomize
