So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
