I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
