She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize