I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize