that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
