your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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