Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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