Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
