lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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