Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
