I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize