Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
