just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
