My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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