that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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