I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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