She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
