I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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