She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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