Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
