then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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