At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
