She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
