I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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