is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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