I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize