I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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