If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Randomize
