one two three fourrrrnication!
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
