all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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