Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
