Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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