he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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