I think I won the penis lottery.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
