Please, let me fuck your mom
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
