My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
