I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
