You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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