i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
