Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
