hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
