***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
