I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You took a bar mat shot.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
