Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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