so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
