i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
