I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
