I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
