If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
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