Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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