You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
