I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
