I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
