So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
