you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
