Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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