It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
