I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
