Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Sorry my hands just texted you
We have so much sex to catch up on
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
