apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
