I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
