I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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