he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
