Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
