fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
it glows. i had to have it.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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