Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I am available for nakedness
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
