you're like a bully in the Christmas story
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
