I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I skipped work to stalk him.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
