well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
